I Will Rot Without You
A poetic homage to the threat of cockroaches? A series of surreally humorous observations? A New Jersey blood brother of Dostoyevsky’s underground man?
The encounter with a neighbor (Dee) in the hall, offers a haunted glimpse into what is surely a major theme in this book: morbid devotion. And then we get a weird blend of Basket Case 80s horror and Notes from the Underground when she reveals amputated pieces of her boyfriend sewn to her chest.
Between scenes that could be straight out of the end of Psycho, we hop on the wings of an eerie butterfly to discover a fantastical plane amidst all the vermin and devotion, a different plane of existence so fierce and ignited by poesy that it’s immune to rot or decay.
Fingers of a boyfriend crawl about, stitched to a neck–or sometimes legs become tree trunks when we dream of pus bubbling in boils.
A line of a 100 cockroaches pass mold spores (“little white and pink bulbs in their palpi”) from the bathroom to our sleeping hero’s mouth which are “held like torches.”
I loved the following passage:
“Like a specter she stands. She is the poltergeist of doorframes. She peeks into the apartment, unsure if she should step out of the purgatory of the vestibule and back into this graveyard she used to call her home.”
Another line I adored: “Her flowers suffocate the garden of my heart.”
Nightmarish Twilight Zone moments intertwine with a Remedios Varos painting.
Sitting on a throne of human skulls, we gaze down on the festering city.
A pile of bills resembles Ernie as he hobbles about decaying and with new wooden mop legs.
Your face may be rearranged by this book; your soul may become disfigured.
Ernie discovers a ghastly surprise about Dee when the lights are low–a surprise that rivals what Jack Torrance finds on room 237.
This novel shares moments in a beautiful realm of the ineffable while making love feel tragic and ephemeral:
“These are the people who I need to continue to carry around with me. I just–need to remind myself that I used to be a person before we poisoned each other.”
And:
“Our time together, it was like smoke. You filled my lungs, briefly, and then I breathed you out and you were gone.”
I read the book over the course of a single morning. This definitely has the humor of previous works I’ve read by Danger Slater, but this one has darker themes and a more poetic conclusion.
nicholauspatnaude 
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