Archive | December, 2016

Ice Flue Chapter 26

1 Dec

Ice Flue Chapter 26

   Stan and Elizabeth wandered away from the lab like a pair of dejected jesters.

   As the purple Blood Lust coated the sun and the Frozen Ice Flue Gem Planet rose to lighten the world, only dirt and endless trenches were revealed. Trench after trench after trench.

   They walked for a few miles until they encountered a billboard depicting a scene from the Holy Book of Defamation Regulations. It was the Nativity Scene, except, instead of the usual squid woman’s sultry elephant tusk veil dance, their glass baby rocked in a rocking chair in a manger while smoking a pink cigar.

   Mimicking their glass baby’s smoking in perfect sync, Dayglo Arnie leaned against the side of the shed in equal enjoyment. He clapped.

   Elizabeth twisted and scrunched her hairy face until it peeled off like shed snake skin. The androgynous police officer’s face smiled as she removed the rest of her Elizabeth Dracula costume.

   “Congratulations, new recruits. At first I’d just hoped you’d rebel by submitting, but then you went ahead and one-upped me! You started a war, fer christsakes! And if you look around, I’m sure you’ll agree that the world is a whole lot better for it. What’s next, kids? World War 5? Do you think you have it in you? Do you—“

   Stan grabbed the pink cigar from Arnie’s mouth. “Hey Arnie?”

   “Y-yeah?” Arnie stammered, backing away.

   Stan’s eyes lit up as he puffed greedily. “I’m in love with the war. I’m in love with the bomb. I’m in love with revolution!” 

   “Hallelujah!” Arnie sung before beginning a break dance. 

   “I plan to start another war,” Stan continued as B726 Bombers whizzed overhead. “Then another and another war until this godforsaken world rebels against itself and THE PEOPLE rise up in one glorious act of eternal submission.” 

   As if electrocuted, the police officer shook while foaming at the mouth and speaking in tongues. She partially regained her composure. “Blimey! Let’s do it!” She agreed so enthusiastically that she ripped off her entire uniform, revealing her body to be an antique dresser overstuffed with lacy under things. The police officer hesitated, then awkwardly wheeled her squarish body closer to Stan. “But there are a few outfits I’d like you to try on for me first, if you don’t mind.”

   Stan puffed at his cigar, purple smoke escaping his ears as his eyes glowed a vaporous blue. He shrugged. “Sure. Why not? VIVA LA REVOLUTION!” 

END

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