10 rules all writers MUST follow

28 Jul

10 Rules All Writers MUST Follow:
1. Ya gotta be spitting blood at the keyboard, mate. Bust an artery. Inspire a nosebleed. Whatever ya gotta do, your typewriter had better be covered in blood or you’re doing something WRONG. At the very least, douse your keyboard in Spaghetti O’s to keep up appearances. 

2. Ya gotta kiss up to more successful writers, mate–and by kiss, we definitely mean [NSFW comment removed by administration]. 

3. Ya gotta give birth to a Kindle on Saturn and then chase around your tail until you get so dizzy ya puke. That’s just a necessity mate!

4. Ya gotta get the deceased to buy your books, mate. What? Does that seem too difficult for you? THEN GET OUTTA THE GAME, MATE! Boink, you lose! 

5. I know this one’s gonna sting, but, yeah, ya gotta post pictures of your muscles covered in blood. WHAT? DON’T TELL ME YOU’RE OPPOSED THAT, MATE!

6. Um, I seem to be running out of steam here mate but GUESS WHO JUST SPRAYED BLOOD ALL OVER HIS KEYBOARD, MATE?! 

7. Yeah, uh, so that’s all I got really.

8. Look, I meant this to be inspirational to the young folks out there. It’s just that ya gotta bleed is all.

9. Phew. Almost there. Yeah, uh, I’m gonna be honest at this point. I got nothing left. 

10. Ya! I made it! And ya gotta too. 

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